Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Dungeons & Dragons is the property of Wizards of the Coast. The Author claims no ownership over the Ranma 1/2 characters, but does claim ownership of the Ranma 1/2 characters' characters... Hope were haven't caused any confusion to our readers... "Thank you for helping me sort through all this old stuff." Dr. Tofu said as he put down another box. "No problem." Nabiki smiled. "I know how busy you are, and I'm just glad to help. Hey! What's this?" Nabiki pulled out some dusty old books from the box she was sorting through. "Wow! I forgot all about those." Nabiki took a deep breath and blew off all the dust, sending her into a coughing fit. "They're my old Dungeons and Dragons books. I used to play with you guys when we were little." "Oh yeah, I remember." "I'm too busy to use them now. You can keep them." "Really? Thanks." Nabiki said, as she analyzed the books for any possible monetary benefits they could offer. "That's the last of it. Thanks again for helping." "Alright. Bye, Dr. Tofu." "Bye Nabiki." "Oh," Nabiki exclaimed as she stopped in the doorway. "I almost forgot something." "What?" Nabiki didn't answer just held out her hand. Dr. Tofu sighed and reached for his wallet. ANYTHING GOES ROLE-PLAYING: LITTLE DOJO ON THE BORDERLANDS As Nabiki walked home she heard the familiar sound of "Ranma! Get back here you pervert!" "Ahh, perfect timing." Ranma was pumping full speed, but a quick look back told him that Akane was still gaining ground. As he turned to face forward, he saw Nabiki standing purposely down the road, directly in his path. He screeched to a hault, stopping directly infront of Nabiki. "So nice that you can stop to talk, Ranma." Ranma's reply was cut off as Akane's mallet knocked him to the ground. "Nabiki?" Akane said as she tucked away her mallet. "What are you doing here?" "Just helping Dr. Tofu. Look what he gave me." She said holding up the Players Guide. "Wanna play?" "No! You promised! Never again!" Akane screamed as she slowly backed away from Nabiki, fear etched on her face. "What's going on?" Ranma asked as he popped up from the ground. "I'll never trust you!" Akane hissed banefully. "Last game we played Zirana, Mistress of Chaos, stole all our money and left us abandoned in a pittrap surrounded by the Orcish Legions!" "Hey, you gave me the money! I sold you a rope to get out of the pittrap." "You were supposed to tie one end to a tree before you threw it down." "That wasn't part of the arangement. Besides, I had to get out of there before the Orcish Legions caught me." "It was your fault they were after us in the first place!" "If you wanted me to give the shaman staff back, all you had to do was ask." "We did ask!" "I thought you were joking. But relax, Akane. That was ages ago. Besides, this time I'll be DMing." "Why doesn't that make me feel better?" "Wait a minute!" Ranma exclaimed. "YOU'RE 'Zirana!' You nearly got me killed in a convention five years ago!" "You played..." Nabiki said trying to remember. "Oh! You played 'Bakkai,' right?" "Yeah, still do, no thanks to you! You told me there were no traps in that room!" "No, I said that I already checked for traps! Besides, it was just a water trap. How was I supposed to know that you had the Necklace of Triton's Wrath?" "You gave me the necklace telling me it was a Necklace of Missles! The only missles that necklace caused were tridents being thrown at me!" "But you play, right?" "Yeah, Ukyo and I played when we were little. I've been DM hopping ever since." "Weren't you a little too young to play Dungeons and Dragons when you were with Ukyo?" Akane said skeptically. "Alright, so we scribbled on paper, threw dice at eachother and SAID we were playing Dungeons and Dragons. Happy?!" "Good, then you'll join our game." "You're DMing, right?" "Right." "So 'Zirana' is..." "Not in the game. I promise." "Then, I guess so." "Good, I'll set up everything." *** A short gathering later *** "Okay, before we begin, I'll need payment from each of you for the new books." Everybody sighed as they reached for their wallets. "Are you sure that the books cost $50 American?" Kuno asked. "I'm positive, Kuno-baby." "I had no idea the Japanese-American exchange rate had jumped so high." Ryoga sighed as he counted out his last yen. "Is it possible for you to sink any lower?" Akane glared. "There's only one way to find out." Nabiki smiled. "Forget I asked." "Alright, Mousse has an old character too. Ryoga, Kuno, Kodachi, Shampoo, and Ukyo, are all of your characters finished?" Nabiki said to the crowd. "Let's see the new characters. Hmm, fighter, paladin, monk, ranger, barbarian...Okay, you guys need to do this again." "What? Why?" Ukyo shouted. "Because you ALL chose warrior class." "Honestly, you guys." Akane sighed. "The point of this game is to try something different from your normal life." "In that case, Akane SHOULD be warrior class." Shampoo laughed. "What did you say?!" Akane growled. "Alright, calm down you two." Nabiki said sternly. "We're here to play a game, not fight, so leave your personal lives out of it. Now draw up new characters. You'll draw lots to see who can play a warrior class if it's so important to you." Ryoga and the others grumbled as they reached for new character sheets. "Quite a little gettogether." Soun said as he entered. "What's the occasion?" "We're playing Dungeons and Dragons, Mr. Tendo." Ranma said brightly. "Oh alrig-what?! No! No! Not that evil game!" "Huh?" "How could you bring such evil into this house?" He yelled as he seized Ranma by the shirt. "Me? You're the reason Happosai came here in the first place." "I meant the game!" Soun's giant head bellowed. "Hey, it wasn't me! It was Nabiki's idea!" "Nabiki? No! We pulled you from that life! What made you go back to it?!" "Really, Daddy, you're overreacting." Nabiki sighed. "Am I? How could you bring back such a dark presence into our house?" "Nabiki." Kuno said calmly. "I must ask of the nature of this game. Is it true that it is a malevolent force?" "Kuno-baby, it's just-" "Ranma! You are the one behind this! I shall smite thee!" "Could somebody please explain what is going on?" Ryoga asked, ducking Kuno as he flew overhead. "Father is convinced that Dungeons and Dragons promotes suicide and Satan worshipping." Nabiki said with a sigh. "I blame myself." Genma said as he stepped in behind Soun. "I should never have let him hang out with that Chick fellow*." "Why Soun not hang out with Ranma?" "No, not that Chick fellow. It's a guy named Chick who-Nevermind." "Nabiki!" Soun cried, tears streaming down his face. "Last time you played this game you ended up pledging yourself to the Dark Prince and Akane nearly killed herself. I don't want to risk losing either of you again!" "Daddy, for the last time, wearing a black shirt does not mean you worship Satan." "And falling off the monkey bars is not a desparate attempt to end it all!" Akane added. "You don't understand the powers you're toying with!" He sobbed. "Come on old friend." Genma said comfortingly as he pulled Soun away. "They'll be fine." "Why don't you join us, Pops?" Ranma asked cheerfully. "Me? Play Dungeons and Dragons? You've got to be kidding." "Oh, do you think it's evil too?" Mousse said glaringly. "No, it's just an inferior system. Give me World of Darkness anyday!" "The systems changed a lot, Mr. Saotome." "Look! I have twenty d10, and I'm gonna damn well use them all!" He yelled as he left the room, dragging the sobbing Soun behind him. "While we're waiting for the new characters let's introduce our veterans. Akane, care to start?" "Alright, I play a female cleric named 'Mysana.' I have a pair of trained war pigs, and I believe in talking instead of fighting." "Woah, that'll be hard to play since you're so violent." Ranma chuckled. "I am NOT violent!" Akane yelled as she punched Ranma in the gut. "Anyway, when Mysana was a child, her village was at war with a neighboring one. Her father tried to speak out against the war, but was hung as a traitor. Soon after, Mysana saw her entire villiage and the other villiage both slaughter eachother, until there was no one left standing. She wandered until she was picked up by a traveling merchant, who dropped her off at the temple of Lathander. That is why she detests violence, and seeks to heal any she finds." "Oh, how I weep for your tragic past." Kuno said as he pulled Akane close to him. "Let me take you away from your dark demons, if only for a moment." "Now you're getting into the game TOO much." Akane yelled as she uppercutted Kuno through the roof. Kuno sailed crosslegged through the air, and eventually crashed back through the roof, landing perfectly in his old seat. "You may continue, Nabiki." He said simply, as if nothing odd had happened. "Alright, Mousse. You're next." "Well," Mousse began, as he adjusted his glasses. "My character is Shugai Silverleaf, the Elven mage. I am a powerful wizard, who travels the lands seeking knowledge and power. I have guided peasants to their rightful place as kings. I have aided the destined to retrieve the stolen jewel from a dark and scarred god. I have helped a band of halflings rid the world of an ancient evil!** I have-" "Ripped off too many fantasy books?" Nabiki asked. "Er," Mousse said blushing slightly. "Anyway, knowledge is my highest concern. I will sacrifice anything for new knowledge, especially anything related to magic. My allies will be protected by my mystic arts as long as they prove themselves useful!" "Hold on." Akane said. "You're THE Shugai?" "Yeah." "So you're the one responsible for allowing the demons to conquer the western continent?" "It's not my fault. SOMEBODY replaced my powder of blood bat with powder of wombat!" He said glaring at Ranma. "Glasses, Mousse." Ranma said casually. Mousse lowered his glasses. "Sorry, Ranma." Mousse said as he turned his glare towards Nabiki. "What?" Nabiki said in mock-innocence. "They're practically the same thing." "They aren't even related! Thanks to you, I had to sacrifice my own arm just to gather enough evil energy to make a contract barely strong enough to prevent the Daemon King from eating me. Controlling him was out of the question!" "So he summoned his army and took over the Western Continent." Ranma sighed. "So what happened with your arm?" "I replaced it with the Mythril Claw of Raelak. So no real harm done there, except that I lost about 30,000 gold in material components for the spell, and the only real impact it had was that it got rid of the arm I needed to replace, but I could've sawed it off a lot cheaper than that!" "You don't call dooming the Western Continent into a land of eternal darkness and slavery an impact?" "Not on me, no." Mousse said casually. "Alright, now that we got that out of the way, Ranma you're next." "Huh? Oh, right. I'll be playing Bakkai, the great swordsman. He loves adventure more than anything and will take assignments for the thrill and the challenge, rather than for the money. To increase the challenge, he fights with his left hand. He is friendly and reliable. He enjoys festivals, summer rains, and long walks on the beach. What's so funny?" He yelled at Ryoga and Akane, who were whispering to eachother and laughing quietly. "Well," Akane said through giggles. "We were just wondering if you were up to that level of role-playing." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Well, playing a man." Ryoga said with a snear. "You sure you can handle it?" At this point everybody else started laughing too. Except Kuno and Kodachi. "I don't get what's so funny." Kodachi frowned. "Nor do I. I guess it is a slight to Ranma's honor which is true, but hardly cause of such mirth." "Okay then, let's try this again." Nabiki said as she stopped laughing and the others handed in their papers again. "Alright two out of three will have to do. Let's introduce your characters. Ryoga, why don't you start?" Ryoga stood up, and cleared his throat. "Alright, I'm playing a paladin of Helm." He sat down. Everybody sweatdropped. "You want to give us a little more than that?" "Um..." "Like a name?" "Ahh, Ryoga?" "How about a name that isn't your own?" "Um, Byoga?" "Not good enough." "Umm, ahh." Ryoga sweated as he tried to think of a name. Ranma leaned over and whispered in his ear. "P-chan!" Ryoga yelled out. "Wait, I didn't mean that!" "Oh, you named him after P-chan! How sweet." Akane smiled. "Uh, thanks Akane. Heheheh." "P is for Paladin." Ranma said in a cheap imitation of Akane's voice. "And chan is for cute!" "Alright," Nabiki said, "The Paladin P. Sean. Now how about his past?" "What about it?" "What's he been doing? Where did he come from? Why is he a paladin?" "Um, well, he was, well, at first he...um, well, I suppose he started as..." "What if he was found orphaned on the clergy steps?" Akane said helpfully. "That sounds good." "I suppose he was found being held protectively in his mother's cold dead bloody arms, with a note written in a language that none could read?" Mousse asked. "Uh, yeah! That's it." "And priests raise P. Sean as new priest?" Shampoo asked. "Yeah, and, um, they were training him to be a cleric, but um, he, they..." "They realized that he was made of sterner stuff?" Kodachi asked. "A man of high morals! A beacon of light to guide this world through the darkness which surrounds it! A true man amoung lesser men! A man that a woman could truly love, without the cold fear of rejection! A man who was not so cowardly as to play with a woman's heart and use her, then cast her aside once he's had his way!" "Um, I guess so." Ryoga said as he nervously inched away from Kodachi. "So they uh trained him, and ahh..." "Taught him to be a Paladin and set him out into the world to right wrongs and vanquish evil." Ukyo added casually. "Yeah, that's it!" "So fresh from the clergy he wanders into town, seeking adventure and a chance to do justice and..." Nabiki said leading Ryoga. "And, ah..." "And to find out why he was abandoned as a child! Who his parents were, why his mother was killed, and to avenge her death!" Ranma added with gusto. "Yeah, that's perfect!" "Wow!" Kuno blinked. "That was amazing. To come up with such an intricate and meaningful story so quickly. Truly you are an expert story teller, Ryoga." "Really? You think so?" "Anyway." Nabiki said rolling her eyes. "Kuno-baby. Why don't you go next?" "Alright. I am the wonderous nobleman who has set forth to champion the lesser man. My powers and skills are legendary. My allies call me the Bloodied Sword and my foes merely quiver in fear. I am the young Lord Viran! And my katana is-" "You don't have a katana." Nabiki sighed, as she reached for some asprin. "I don't?" "No, this is European. You'll have to take a western sword." "Lemme see that book." Kuno flipped through the players handbook. "A 'long sword'?" "Yes, it's a sword that is long." Nabiki said, rolling her eyes again. "They were used in England." "Those crazy Brits." "Anyway, pick a new weapon and we'll move on. Who's next? "Allow me to dazzle you with my character's rich and meaningful intricacies." Kodachi laughed. "She is a half-elven rogue, known only as the Ruby Rose. She steals only from the greedy, and only from men, for her heart was broken by a rich nobleman. She always leaves her trademark behind her: a single ruby shaped like a rose petal." "Why did she decide to become a theif though?" Akane asked. "Well, she, um, ahh, she grew up on the streets! She was the daughter of a thatcher, but...rather than take up a poorman's trade, she took to a life of crime to make her fortune! But she only steals from the greedy, because they don't work for their moeny." "So she steals from the greedy, because she wants to make more money than a thatcher, and do less work." Ryoga said skeptically. "Well, um, sort of, but... stealing is still hard work and it's um..." "How does the lowly scion of a thatcher attract the attention of a high born man?" Kuno asked patiently. "Since you ask, he uh was taking a walk through her neighborhood. No, wait, um..." "How did he break her heart, that makes her so bitter?" Ukyo asked. "Um, he..." "No can find small petal in big mansion. Should leave full rose." Shampoo insisted. "Well." "And considering the worth of a ruby, and the cost of a gem cutter, she'd have to steal an awful lot to make any trip worth it." Mousse added. "Where'd the name come from, anyway?" Ranma asked. "I mean, did the sap who dumped her leave a single rose on her pillow? Or is it a metaphor? Y'know, every rose has it's thorns and all that?" "Shut up! Shut up!" Kodachi yelled, pounding the table. "My character is perfect! Absolutely perfect! I will crush any who claim otherwise! Do you hear me?" Ryoga inched a little further away from Kodachi. "Does anybody want to trade seats?" "Alright then." Nabiki said dismissively. "Let's move on." "Shampoo go next! Shampoo play Zokira, female barbarian warrior of the Gura clan! Has very strict honor code, and shaman sent Zokira out to world because omens he read tell him that she must go." "Female barbarian?" Mousse asked with a chuckle. "Does she wear a thong?" "Does Mousse want know what Shampoo do to last man who say sexist thing 'bout Shampoo's character?" Shampoo growled as she lifted Mousse by his collar. "I was there." Mousse choked. "He said he wouldn't mind 'uplinking' with your Shadowrun decker. You... you... you killed him! You cut open his chest, ripped out his still beating heart, stir fried it with mushrooms and onions and served it on noodles at the next gaming session!" "Oh, right. Shampoo did." She said as she casually dropped Mousse. "Not taste bad either." "Anyway." Nabiki said, not appearing to be phased at all by Mousse's revalation. "Ukyo, you're next." "Alright. I'm playing a male bard named Rael Silvertongue. He is master of the panpipes, the violin, and harp. He has wooed kings and villians, and is currently seeking adventures so he can write the great ballad." "That's it?" Nabiki asked surprised. "Yeah, is something wrong?" "No, it's just... nothing happened. No problems with the character, no fighting... it just went... normal." "Go figure." "All right, let's get this game underway!" ***Twenty minutes later*** "Okay, Ranma, Bakkai enters the bar. Everyone stops what they're doing and stares at you for a moment before returning to their drinks. A couple of the eyes stay on you, mistaking your friendly demeanor for weakness. Shampoo, Kodachi. Zokira and Ruby Rose are both in the bar." "I casually throw my cape back, showing off the hilt of my greatsword." Ranma said daringly. "The men suddenly find their drinks more interesting." "Okay, I walk up to the bar and-" "Ruby Rose offers Bakkai a golden engagement ring!" Kodachi said brightly. "No! Zokira claims Bakkai under rite of strength!" Shampoo growled. Energy flared between the two as Ranma said, "I walk slowly away from the two strange ladies and leave the bar." "Shampoo! Kodachi!" Nabiki snapped. "You're characters haven't even met Bakkai yet! You can't have them propose to him! Leave your personal life at the door!" "Sorry." The two women muttered. "Just don't do it again. Okay, Ranma you are outside." She paused to roll dice. "You hear something down the alley." "I go check it out." Ranma said. "Alright, you encounter two large men moving upon a young woman. Her armor clearly marks her as something of an adventurer, and the emblem on her shield marks her as a cleric. Akane, what does Mysana do?" "I look at the larger man and say 'I don't want any trouble. Just walk away now and you won't get hurt.' What do they do?" "They laugh at you. Ranma?" "I walk up next to Mysana holding my greatsword in one hand." "One hand?!" Mousse exclaimed. "It's a greatsword!" "Monkey-hand feat***." Ranma grinned, showing Mousse the book. "Read 'em and weep." "Anyway, the two men growl. The smaller one turns to leave but the larger one stops him. He says 'Look, there's a toll for crossing through here. If ya wants ta go, ya gotta pay the fee.'" "Kind sir." Akane said facing Ranma. "I beg you leave. This is my trouble and I do not wish you any harm." "Don't be stupid!" Ranma hollered back. "You really think you can talk your way out of this, dummy?" "I can handle this on my own!" "You're gonna get yourself killed. You're just a stupid cleric for crying out loud!" "Fine I'll prove it! Nabiki are the men attacking?" "Yeah, they've drawn their swords and are advancing again." "Good! I charge the large one with my mace!" "Do I see that happening?" Kodachi asked. "No, your at the tavern, getting drunk." Nabiki sighed. "Fine, I order a double scotch on the rocks." She sulked. *** A noble and daring fight later *** "Okay," Akane said. "I heal the men before we leave." "You do what you can for the smaller one. He'll live, but chances are he won't walk without a cane, or pick a pocket again." "What about the large one?" "Seeing as you both critted him on the first turn, smashing his head into a paste and cleaving his body in two, I don't think he'll pull through." "Thanks a lot, Ranma! Now look what you did!" "I did only what I had to do, my lady." Ranma said in a poor English accent. "The loss of this man's life is sad, but he only got what he deserved. You are a good warrior, sister Mysana. If your sect allows it, I would like to discuss possible futures over a pint at...is there ANOTHER bar nearby?" "Yes." Nabiki said. "One right through the alley on the other side. The Rising Dragon." "...At the Rising Dragon." Akane twitched. Ranma was being a jerk and he knew it, but since he was "in character," she couldn't even hit him. "Fine, but if you try anything, my mace has your name on it." "Try anything against a priestess? Perish the thought." Ranma said smiling wickedly. "Grrrr!" "Alright," Nabiki continued. "The Rising Dragon is a more refined tavern. Where the Boar's Skull held dwarves and thugs guzzling ale, this one houses elves and young noblemen sipping wine. Roll spot checks." Nabiki checked their roles. "Okay, Akane, you notice one table in particular. There is a sharp young noble polishing a rapier and talking merrily with his two companions." "Woah, that's me, right?" Kuno asked, snapping to attention. "Yes, Kuno-baby, it is. His first companion is a slender elf, who's dark green robes mark him as a Greensdale wizard. His second companion, and the one who attracted your attention in the first place, is a tall burly, but friendly looking man. He is dressed in shimmering armor and has a large shield which has the mark of the Paladinic order of the Blazing Dragon." "Woah!" Ranma exclaimed. "How'd I miss that?!" "You rolled a one and have no ranks in spot. You missed it." Nabiki said matter-of-factly. "Alright." Akane smiled. "I point it out to Bakkai." "Fine." Ranma said, still a bit upset. "Let's say hello." "Alright, Kuno, Mousse, Ryoga. Your turn. You guys see a friendly looking young swordsman with a greatsword on his back and somewhat shabby leather armor and a pretty, but chain mailed, priestess making their way to your table." "Greetings well-worn warriors." Kuno said with a flare that would speak of great role-playing skill if it weren't for the fact that he always talked like that. "Do sit down, and share your tales. No doubt you have had some interesting stories to tell. I, myself was just telling these men of a most comical incident that happened last night. It appears that I was robbed." "Really?" Akane blinked. "How's that funny." "Well, it appears to be the work of the Ruby Rose. However the tale-tell ruby petal she left behind was worth 7,000 gold coins, when the stolen goods only valued at 2,000." Kodachi twitched. "Heh, you have to be pretty stupid to break into a place to GIVE them money." Ranma laughed. "Even dumber to lose money to Kuno." "How dare you! Lowly wretch! Have at you!" Kuno hollered as he attacked. "Alright, time out." Nabiki yelled as Ranma reigned blows down on Kuno. "Something must be done." Nabiki then smiled. "I've got just the idea. Akane. Go get our buckets." *** A simple home improvement later*** "Alright guys." Nabiki smiled. "See those buckets? They're all filled with ice water, and I'll drop them on anybody who gets out of control. Shampoo, Mousse, Ranma. You know what that means." "Hmph." Ranma snorted. "Why should I care?" "Because then you'll have Kuno swearing his undying love to the Pig tailed girl." "Uh, I'll be good." Ranma sweatdropped, with that goofy smile of his. "Honest." "Good." Nabiki smiled. "And I bet we won't have any problems with Ryoga, eh? P. Sean?" Ranma smirked. "As for the rest of you." Nabiki continued. "Women and wet shirts aren't a prefered scenario, am I right?" "Yeah." The girls said sullenly. "Alright, then let's continue. Ruby Rose and Zokira are still in the Boar's Skull. Rael Silvertongue is playing the lute on the stage. **Some innane and boring plot filler later*** "Okay," Nabiki sighed, "As the smoke dies down you survey the battle scene. Both bars have been burned to the ground by Shugai's fireballs as well as the buildings between them. Dead men, women, and children lay in bloody and burned piles." "Nice going, Bakkai!" Akane yelled. "Sheesh!" Ranma grumbled. "How was I s'posed to know the slob was lactose intolerant." "Well, you didn't have to set fire to the place, Shugai!" "None of it would've happened if it weren't for that damn weasel!" Mousse Insisted. "Hey!" Kodachi yelled indignantly. "That's MY 'damn' weasel!" "Alright, I'm going to hand out some XP now, while it's fresh in my mind. Shugai fireballs got him 1300 points. Rael took out 12 men for 1400 points. Zokira killed 15 men, 8 women, 3 elderly patrons, and a puppy for a total of 1750 poits. P. Sean took out a squad of Guild Thieves for 1800 points. And Kodachi picked forty pockets, combined with role playing for 1825 points." "Oh, Akane," Kodachi smiled. "Too bad little 'Mysana' wanted to 'avoid bloodshed.' Now you don't get any experience." "Actually," Nabiki said, using her pencil to punch in some numbers on a calculator. "Due to role playing, and the massive, if futile, attempts to heal the fallen innocent, Mysana gets 2200 experience points for role playing." "What?!" Kodachi screamed indignantly. "Ha! I got more than any of you! Just goes to show that role playing is more important than hack 'n slash!" "Ranma, Bakkai gets 4500 experience for his assorted kills." "What?!" Akane screamed indignantly. "Well, he killed 33 armed men, 12 innocent patrons, 4 bar wenches, an old man who was actually a Chu'kal Necromancer, the three squadrons of city guards that showed up, and a pair of goats." "I don't beleive this." Akane grumbled. "Enough prattle!" Kuno humphed. "How much skill did I earn this night?" "Well, Kuno-baby, since 'The Bloodied Sword' failed to bloody his sword on anybody, you get 100 experience for trying." "What?!" "Well, you fought one drunk old man, whom you missed eleven times, before crit missing, impaling yourself through the chest with your own sword, where you would have died had Mysana not used her last spell to heal you." "Good sirs!" Mousse said in a loud version of his 'Shugai' voice. "I have a proposition for you all. There is a dark count, named Constantine. He lives in the manor north of here. He has some treasures that I think it would be best we relieve him of." "Sounds good to me." 'P. Sean' said sternly. "Wait...what kind of treasures are we talking about?" 'Mysana' asked warily "Um, gold, magic weapons, uh, that kind. Definitely not powerful dark spells, spells so powerful they could destroy a small city (or a large township) if they were to fall into the wrong hands...HANDS SUCH AS MY VERY OWN!...uh, nope, nothing like that." "Well, since there's nothing like that, I'm in." 'P. Sean' said. "I too, am comforted by this lack of dark magic." 'Lord Viran' smiled. "Zokira have no problem with plan since it no aid darkness." "The Ruby Rose also agrees." "You're lucky we have so many morons around, Mousse." Ranma said dryly. *** A long and boring contract talk later *** "Well, I think we have all come to an agreement." 'Shugai' said, "Could you all sign here?" A din rose of people agreeing that their characters would sign. "It's good. I'll sign." 'Bakkai' said half heartedly. "Now could you please get off me, Zokira?" "Zokira remove spiked boot from Bakkai back." "Do you want to stop applying pressure to the base of his skull with your stone mace?" Nabiki asked. "By the way, Ranma, the blood pressure has delt a total of 8 points of damage." "How much Bakkai have left?" "Four more hitpoints." "Okay, Zokira let Bakkai go." "Gee, thanks." "Remember." Shampoo said with a glare. "You live only cause Zokira wills it!" *** A quick journey later *** "Welcome." 'Lord Viran' said. "To Winchester House of count Constantine!" "Ah, Count Constantine!" 'Rael' said with a forced flair. "Legends tell many tales of his bloodline. A bloodline that should have died ages ago, had his ancestors not supped upon other bloodlines. I shall tell you stories of his deeds that will make your blood curdle." Nabiki rolled some dice. "Okay, everybody except P. Sean, Mysana, and Lord Viran get scared and hide in the forest." "What?" They all cried in unison. "I told you guys not to use your Charisma as dumping grounds!" "So..." 'P. Sean' said. "Now what?" "We need to get inside..." 'Shugai' mused. "We could sneak in under the cover of night." 'Ruby Rose' said helpfully. "No." 'Mysana' said. "YOU could sneak in under the cover of night. Rael could probably do it too, and maybe Shugai with some spells. But I really fail to see how a palidin and a knight both in full plate, a cleric in chain, and a fighter and a barbarian who can't go five minutes without killing something could sneak past a deaf bat playing Metal Gear Solid, more or less into a heavily guarded mansion where an evil loard is holding a banquet to various other evil lords while his people starve just to show how evil he is." "I've got it!" 'Bakkai' exclaimed. "We'll just fake our way in as evil lords!" "How are we supposed to do that? We'll need invitations?" "Ohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed. "It just happens that the Ruby Rose has 8 ranks in forgery, and due to her past encounters, has seen Evil Lord Invitations before. I'll just roll up some-" "Hold on." Nabiki said. "Roll an intelligence check." "29!" "You add your Intelligence bonus, not your intelligence." "Oh, then 17." "Good enough. You just remembered that the invitations need to be signed with virgin blood." "Now where can we get virgin blood..." Kodachi glanced slyly at Akane. "Actually, my order doesn't require chastity. I had an affair with High Priest Xaphir, before seeking adventure." "Really?" "Honest. Lathander is the god of life, so he encourages child-bearing. You want a chaste priest, try a priest of Helm. Helm's followers marry only their duty." "Hey!" Ryoga gulped. "Why are you guys looking at me?" *** A round of friendly fire later *** "Okay, the documents are succesfully forged, at least as far as you can tell. Any last minute preparations?" "Yes." Ryoga mumbled. "P. Sean uses lay hands on himself." "Geez, Ryoga." Ranma laughed. "Not in public." "Shut up! You have no idea what I've been through! Wait, you have. BECAUSE YOU DID IT TO ME! How dare you attack an ally for this spider web of lies." "Hey, one shot from me got all the blood we needed. It's not MY fault some others tried to be helpful before I could get in a clean blow." "Not fair! Can draw blood with bludgeon weapons. Shampoo show. Akane, hold still." "Give me that!" Ranma growled as he snatched the bonburi from Shampoo. "Yes, you can." Mousse said. "But unfortunately, it doesn't help much when it is matted in flesh, hair, and clothes." "Like you can talk!" Ryoga yelled. "You hit me with a fireball! You can't draw blood with a fireball!" "Hit the rest of us too." Kuno grumbled. "How low hath our noble cause fallen, when our wise and noble sage guide would turn his spells against us." "Um, I am evil." "Then I shall smite thee!" Kuno said drawing out his bokken. He raised it to strike Mousse, as Nabiki pulled the ice water switch for Kuno. Kuno went down until a large bucket shaped block of ice. "I thought you said ice WATER!" Akane growled. "For most of you, water is a good deterent. For Kuno-baby, I had to take it a step further. Now, shall we continue?" *** A brisk walk down the front walk later. *** "Whew!" Ranma sighed. "We're finally there." "Who the hell puts ACTUAL gargoyles on their front walk?!" Akane growled. "I broke my mace on that last one with that critical miss. I'm going to need to pick up a new weapon." "Well, you're at the front gate. The guard eyes you suspiciously. 'Eh? Who're ye?' he grunts, poking Shugai lightly with the tip of his spear. "I..." 'Shugai' said, puffing himself up. "Am Shugai Silverleaf of Greensdale, the Demon Caller. Allow me to introduce you to my companions. First off, in the gold armor covered in blood, is P. Sean, the merciless." "That blood looks pretty fresh..." "He's a busy man, he just slew a Paladin of Helm. So if you detect any Good, it's probably just the residue from devouring his soul." "I did no such-" Ryoga's sudden outburst was muffled as Akane and and Ranma threw their hands over his mouth. "With him is his lovely wife, Ruby Rose. Reknown for her amazing thefts. She also steals children for dark spells." "I've never heard of her doing that?" "That just shows how good she is." "Yes, isn't that right my darling?" Kodachi said, hugging Ryoga's arm. "Aren't you getting a little too into this game?" Ryoga said, his eye twitching. "Next is Lord Viran, also known as the Caustic Sword, due to how much acid he needs to clean his blade of the blood of the virtuous." "I find that pure hearted blood stains more." 'Viran' Confessed. "We also have Rael the Black Bard, who has been known to use his lute wire to strangle those who don't like his songs. And the Dark Priestess Mysana." "Dark Priestess you say?" The guard asked skeptically. "Looks like the symbol of Lythander to me." "Heheheh, don't be silly." 'Viran' chuckled nervously. "See the red circle and line through it. She's a Priestess of Not-Lythander. Very different." "And who are these two?" He asked poking his spear at Zokira. Zokira growled and grabbed the spear from him, breaking it on her knee. "They are our slaves. Pay them no heed. Here are our invitations. I trust everything is in order." "'Friad not, on account of I have to kill you fer LYING!" "What?!" Mousse screamed. "How could he not believe my intricate story!" "You have no ranks in bluff. That's why!" Nabiki sighed. "Fine then. We'll do it my way. Charm Person!" "The guard suddenly gets very friendly." "I trust he'll keep our little secret?" "Of course. You enter the castle. Now what?" "Okay, guys. You remember the plan?" Ranma asked. "The noble P. Sean, the brave Zokira, and I shall stay in the gallery to maintain apperances and to make safe our exit." Kuno said casually. "Ruby Rose and I are gonna try to loot his bed chambers." Ukyo said sharply. "Right, while Shugai and Mysana come with me into the vaults." "Okay, guys. Let's break here." Nabiki said, snapping the book shut. "Good game. Let's meet back here next week and pick it up then." "What?" Ryoga asked startled. "Why do we have to stop?" "Ryoga-baby. We've been playing for six hours. It's time for a break." "Yeah, but a whole week?" He said worriedly. "We have school all week. And SOME people" She glanced at Ranma and Akane. "need to pick up their grades." "It's all his/her fault!" The two cried in unison. "So it's agreed. Next Saturday. I'll see you then." Nabiki took out a phone and walked into the next room. "Hi. Ijuin? You won't believe what these guys did..." "Well, then, I too shall be off. Give my regards to the pig-tailed one, and invite her to the next gaming session." "Uh, I don't think she'll be interested." Ranma sweatdropped. "A pity. Farewell." Kuno bowed as he left. "Gotta go start the pots cooking for tomorrows breakfast." Ukiyo said as she walked off. "Shampoo must return to Grandma!" "Wait, I'll go with you." Mousse ran after her. "Good-bye my noble Paladin." Kodachi said, holding a single black rose. "Please, we've had a long day." Ranma sighed. "I don't want to go through..." He trailed off as Kodachi kissed a very surprised Ryoga on the lips. "I shall miss your protection. Until next week." She ended her sentence with a storm of rose petals as she bounced over the pond and across the roof tops, laughing the whole way. "That girl needs to learn the difference between fantasy and reality." Ranma said shaking his head, which turned into a yawn. "I'm beat." "Yeah, me too." Akane mimiced his yawn as the two went off towards their respective beds. *** A midnight snack later. *** "Ahh, nothing like a midnight cookie." Genma said as he stepped into the dinning room. "Huh? Ryoga? What are you doing here?" Sure enough, Ryoga still sat at the table, his character sheet in front of him, a pencil in one hand, a d20 in the other. "It's over... it can't be over... What will happen to P. Sean. He could die! How can I sleep without knowing his fate! Curse you Ranma! This is your doing!" * that Chick fellow - Mr Chick (I forget his first name) is a die hard zealous Christian, dedicated to saving the world from the evils of Dungeons and Dragons through his series of articles and comics. He also attacks Wiccan's, druids, and tends to portray women as either evil or weak willed while the men are strong beacons of light. All in all a patheticly large blight on Christianity's modern history. ** I have aided the destined to retrieve the stolen jewel from a dark and scarred god. I have helped a band of halflings rid the world of an ancient evil! - Aiding the destined to retrieve the stolen jewel from a dark and scarred god is copywright of David Eddings. Helping a band of halflings rid the world of an ancient evil is copywright of the Tolkien Estate. *** Monkey-hand feat - A character with this feat can wield a weapon that normally requires two hands in one hand at a -2 to attack rolls. 3rd edition, Sword and Fist expansion.